10 September 2013

still trying

I am a survivor,
a beginner
a wisher of impossible things

I have dreams I want to see come true
and nightmares I want to set on fire,
each ember a shadow of the mirrors of the darkness
that traps my soul

I am a destroyer
I bring tragedies to all that once was me

help me to set free,
the butterflies that adorn my arms and legs and whispers
born of pain and sadness

my attempts at a cure
my sad, meager attempts at distractions

I stand, I weep, I crawl, I try to stand
before you
born again, transformed

I am my faults
I survive again, and again
painless and beloved as they try
to make me believe

they say that I am a success of my failures
but I know
that each moment

I just

      I want to try


13 November 2012

Ever forward

Memories of dreams lived long ago
Have a tendency to speak, to live, to follow,
All the days of our future,
All the nights and in-betweens.
Memories can keep us.

Or they can be kept.

Tall tales, like ships, have a way of sailing round about the world,
But what of us, of them, is true?
What of our wishes and dreams are exact and new?
There is a sound in the distance that directs them home.

Or they can be direct, themselves.

And forceful. Loud and clear.
There might be a whisper of a word here or there,
Something so small and paper thin that we hold onto
Even if we don’t know it yet,
So that it doesn’t break free and float away,
Up and above and beyond, gone gone gone

The small glimmer of a chance we haven’t taken,
Awaits that moment when we are finally ready, finally free of our
Own inhibitions, trailing and pulling away from the what ifs
That chance that lies ahead, patiently searching the horizon
For the bob of our heads over that rim of land, denoting our arrival,
Our preparedness.

And before we are ever completely aware,
What once was a journey begun so long ago has become the bright adventure that we call life, that we know as the right-now,
as the here and now and take it all, no hesitation, and no second chances

What would you do?

Would you walk with your head held high, with your eyes straight ahead, and your hands free now, having left all your old world behind?

Would you take the chance to continue that first step?
Would you let the fire in your soul burn out?
Or would you feed it with all the vigour of life you have come to appreciate?

As old worlds collapse and new worlds are constructed, would you set your front door east or west? To welcome the day, or to wish it a peaceful reprieve?

There is only so much hope we can harbour, only so much we know how to hold
Fires are lit, and bright, but dim and die. From the ashes, dreams can rest in peace, or be reborn and breathe again. It all depends on you.
Would you sculpt a new flame from the ashes? Would you fuel the fire, the delight, from the sparks within your very own, experienced soul? The embers that glow warm with each passing year, each cycle of seasons.
How many sparks have you danced away, genuine and carefree?
Do you let your  life glow?
Or burn fierce in the face of the world?
Will you feed the next life?
Does it take a stand and hold fast? Or willow around in the breeze? Will you let it stay that way?
May the future hold bright for you, for all of us, for all the small minds and the big ones,
For all the fame and solitude,
In memoriam, and in repose,
For all the soon to-be’s
Somewhere, beyond all make  believe, beyond the hopes and dreams, beyond the trees, the horizons, and all sight,
There is a light.
There is a future.

Darkness falls away….
Into the light, you embrace life

04 November 2012


there is always that one memory that catches up with you
the one that takes your breath away
it finds you and leaves you behind

up above the clouds you find a tear from a dream you lost long ago
a souvenir that claims your soul
and leaves you paralyzed

you cannot fight
you cannot face the terrors of the truth
but you can learn and believe that your fear will melt away
that time will come and comfort you

as the light shines on and on
hope flutters in your heart and changes everything
suddenly that fate you succumbed to changes, rearranges, and submerges
beneath your feet

30 September 2012

i'm lost before goodbye

when dreams are shaken
and memories left in mid sentence
there is a sadness irreplaceable.

there is a mourning uncontrolled,
unsatisfied and unforgiving

for those lost years
to be recovered in a heartbeat,
to be settled before
it is too late.

but that's not how time works
it's not how the world goes
each turn is another look ahead,
one more to separate us from the past.

there is almost no hope
but to linger in memoriam
and comfort those
who, like we, find ourselves lost

05 June 2012

when you're gone

come with me and take my hand
share my words, heal my pain
everyday I'm crying out to you
but you don't even know,
you don't have a clue

it feels ten times longer
than reality shows
I miss your smile
I miss your eyes closed
when you kissed me

now I wander around,
day to day, night after night,
I wander as a vagabond
for each breath may be my last
as each moment filters past

I miss you

when I find the time
to stop and stare at the world around me
when I slow down I begin to comprehend
that days are precious gifts
that each revives and uplifts
my soul

I don't want to walk this road alone
the journey may be long
but the steps are simple
and I need a friend

I hope for you
I hope for today and tomorrow
I call to you
in the silence of my heart
and hope somehow
that you take my hand in yours
and walk with me awhile

for it is a long lonely trip I take
it is full of heartaches and life lessons
I miss you

if you can't take me with you,
maybe I can take your memory with me
on my journey
I start anew, today

17 April 2012

New beginnings

I believe in guardian angels, families
I believe in music, in darkness, light, and love
I believe in the things that put sparkles in our eyes
I believe hopes and dreams are as countless
as the stars in the skies

 I believe shadows are not our only friends,
and that misery is by no means the end
That sometimes you've got to face the fight
Suffer, live, and know it'll be all right

I believe in future things, small and grand
and in between
That hopeless is only a place I've been
Out of reach, and here again
But I believe I can conquer this
Seal my sorrow with an iron fist
Shield my heart from worse for wear
But I'll let the world know that I still care

And I believe life will go on
Despite the heartache and troubled bonds
 I know for a fact I am here and able
 I will build all again, strong and stable
 I believe in miracles, second chances, sudden things
Amd I believe that time can, maybe, heal all things

29 December 2011

saving time

I face my fires straight on
I walk the high road, along the cliffs
I stand and stare and read
I repair the pieces of me that I have
left over

I am keeping the middle of myself safe
and secret
I won't let anyone near it now

I'm keeping the important things
safe and sound

I won't let this heart of mine
find trouble
I'm saving time

instead of heartaches I'll have
thundershowers and adventures
I'll fine the little missing pieces of
happiness I long ago forgot I had
I'll put it all back together
and I won't turn back