anticipation

I am afraid
I feel lost when I think about it,
and I can't seem to understand what or why or how

I am reduced
to the very base of life
to the smallest site of hope and shadows

There are no words left for me
No lines or songs adrift
no shadows to hold onto

but somewhere in the deepest caverns of my soul
I am alive

sometimes the lights flicker

I burn bridges
I build walls
and I steel away on
homemade rafts in the middle of the night
silent and quiet
and alone

I light fires
I incite riots
and I inflame my soul with
songs and shouts and cries

and when there is no one around
to call me
I whisper

so I can speak my peace
and sometimes all the little lights
flicker in the windows as I go

silent night

go

follow your heart, they say
let it tell you where to go, and who to love,
and what to do forever
but don't let it rush you into hasty decisions
or things you'll regret

they say, that no good deed goes unpunished,
so tread carefully.
but how then do we learn what is right?
or what is wrong...
and how do we grow up,
when all around us are forces that hold us in,
and keep us young.

all my life I've been sheltered and protected
and I need to escape. I need to just go
there are times these days where I find myself
stuck in structure and left alone

but I need to go somewhere quiet.
somewhere to truly listen to my heart,
where the sounds of the world are muted
and the lights of the word are dim
and I can be alone and all I know
and all I see and feel is the smallest truth of my soul,
the smallest bit if my life, of my future, of my fire.

i want to know my direction.
how do i fit in in this world.
where are my die cast?
where does my puzzle piece fit in.

to all the world and all those in it, \
for fear and fame and adventure and
all the trials and tribulations that co-occur
I must rediscover and balance

I must find my way and go where the stars lead me,
where I can be free
and grown up and true and alive
not living in these paper times
not living all these left behind dreams and wishes
from others long ago.

my dreams are my own and my life is independent,
or will be, soon.
for the future radiates like light through glass bottles.

leave it by the waterside

just leave it all behind
don't think of me
don't talk to me
don't wish upon a star

because I don't want to remember
I don't want to care

all I am am,
I let you in
I let you into my soul
and you just let me go

I wished on everything
that you would stay
that you would say hello
when all you could do was goodbye

I know it's not easy to make
these choices
but it's the difficult things
that are worth it

but after all this
after all we've been through
I guess you don't feel as I do
I guess you don't care

thank you for teaching me all about life
and love and heartbreak
I couldn't have asked for a better teacher

I don't want your sorry
I don't want a goodbye
Don't wish me well
don't touch me

just take what you have
what is yours and go
and leave it by the waterside
let the tide take it away....

forget it

forget it or don't
forget me not
or do as you will
plant a flower or plant a tree
leave one light on just for me
write a letter and set in in the post
remember dearly what you love the most

keep your secrets
or set them free
believe what it is to be
alive and living
to dream, and be dreaming
show what you think and know to be real
give it a chance

listen to the records and shout out the songs
when no one is looking
when no one's around
fight the fire of your desire
let the flames out
let them burn higher

remember what it's like to know fear and disaster
wash them away with love and with laughter
remember the names of your closest friends
and how when they spoke
you could be mistaken
now from then
all the time it's been
don't forget...

waiting

I sit and wait
looking searching beyond the horizon
waiting for those last few obstacles to be overcome

a final quiz
I could have been ambitious
I could have been home by now
I could be wrapped in the arms of my love
my friend

I suffer treachery of what ifs and last minute changes
that gut feeling anxiety when you know it's now too late
the ease of one less thing to worry about, though,
that is refreshing

as good news come streaming in
passing grades, confirmed plans
my heart fills with excited anticipation

as that hour draw near
and I can finally
make my way home