saving time

I face my fires straight on
I walk the high road, along the cliffs
I stand and stare and read
I repair the pieces of me that I have
left over

I am keeping the middle of myself safe
and secret
I won't let anyone near it now

I'm keeping the important things
safe and sound

I won't let this heart of mine
find trouble
I'm saving time

instead of heartaches I'll have
thundershowers and adventures
I'll fine the little missing pieces of
happiness I long ago forgot I had
I'll put it all back together
and I won't turn back

anticipation

I am afraid
I feel lost when I think about it,
and I can't seem to understand what or why or how

I am reduced
to the very base of life
to the smallest site of hope and shadows

There are no words left for me
No lines or songs adrift
no shadows to hold onto

but somewhere in the deepest caverns of my soul
I am alive

sometimes the lights flicker

I burn bridges
I build walls
and I steel away on
homemade rafts in the middle of the night
silent and quiet
and alone

I light fires
I incite riots
and I inflame my soul with
songs and shouts and cries

and when there is no one around
to call me
I whisper

so I can speak my peace
and sometimes all the little lights
flicker in the windows as I go

silent night

go

follow your heart, they say
let it tell you where to go, and who to love,
and what to do forever
but don't let it rush you into hasty decisions
or things you'll regret

they say, that no good deed goes unpunished,
so tread carefully.
but how then do we learn what is right?
or what is wrong...
and how do we grow up,
when all around us are forces that hold us in,
and keep us young.

all my life I've been sheltered and protected
and I need to escape. I need to just go
there are times these days where I find myself
stuck in structure and left alone

but I need to go somewhere quiet.
somewhere to truly listen to my heart,
where the sounds of the world are muted
and the lights of the word are dim
and I can be alone and all I know
and all I see and feel is the smallest truth of my soul,
the smallest bit if my life, of my future, of my fire.

i want to know my direction.
how do i fit in in this world.
where are my die cast?
where does my puzzle piece fit in.

to all the world and all those in it, \
for fear and fame and adventure and
all the trials and tribulations that co-occur
I must rediscover and balance

I must find my way and go where the stars lead me,
where I can be free
and grown up and true and alive
not living in these paper times
not living all these left behind dreams and wishes
from others long ago.

my dreams are my own and my life is independent,
or will be, soon.
for the future radiates like light through glass bottles.

leave it by the waterside

just leave it all behind
don't think of me
don't talk to me
don't wish upon a star

because I don't want to remember
I don't want to care

all I am am,
I let you in
I let you into my soul
and you just let me go

I wished on everything
that you would stay
that you would say hello
when all you could do was goodbye

I know it's not easy to make
these choices
but it's the difficult things
that are worth it

but after all this
after all we've been through
I guess you don't feel as I do
I guess you don't care

thank you for teaching me all about life
and love and heartbreak
I couldn't have asked for a better teacher

I don't want your sorry
I don't want a goodbye
Don't wish me well
don't touch me

just take what you have
what is yours and go
and leave it by the waterside
let the tide take it away....

forget it

forget it or don't
forget me not
or do as you will
plant a flower or plant a tree
leave one light on just for me
write a letter and set in in the post
remember dearly what you love the most

keep your secrets
or set them free
believe what it is to be
alive and living
to dream, and be dreaming
show what you think and know to be real
give it a chance

listen to the records and shout out the songs
when no one is looking
when no one's around
fight the fire of your desire
let the flames out
let them burn higher

remember what it's like to know fear and disaster
wash them away with love and with laughter
remember the names of your closest friends
and how when they spoke
you could be mistaken
now from then
all the time it's been
don't forget...

waiting

I sit and wait
looking searching beyond the horizon
waiting for those last few obstacles to be overcome

a final quiz
I could have been ambitious
I could have been home by now
I could be wrapped in the arms of my love
my friend

I suffer treachery of what ifs and last minute changes
that gut feeling anxiety when you know it's now too late
the ease of one less thing to worry about, though,
that is refreshing

as good news come streaming in
passing grades, confirmed plans
my heart fills with excited anticipation

as that hour draw near
and I can finally
make my way home

mirror mirror

mirror mirror
friend of mine
why don't you answer
when I ask why?

why are there stars instead of sparks
why is the night so full of dark?
why do I cry before I fall asleep?
and why oh why won't you answer me?

mirror mirror on the wall,
why is my reflection, always so small?
where does the  spring come from
and how does it get here?

are there places that I don't know,
where someday I could hope to go,
or must I sit and read
about them for eternity?

why are wars so present here
that every life and every year
must know about them
firsthand?

why can't those be the words confined to spaces within a page within a book bound within a volume within the panes and stories of a library in some small town in a place I never heard before?

 why don't the stars stay out during the day when everything is beautiful and clear and bright and real and here and not imagined?

tell me why, mirror in the sky, why do I know you and how do I see, what is it that's so special about me, that keeps my momma so close and my sisters so dear and my poppa so big and my brothers so near?

why do you think I ask all this of you, all these questions just like so, all those miracles day in and out where life is imagined but real in a thought....

why can't you hear me, is my voice that small?

oh my vision, my friend, not at all

winter fleeting

my tears, I cry,
the rain...knows why
I let myself go
to the sky
each winter when it snows
the flakes will sparkle,
soft and slow

time passes in the cold
outside, nowhere to go
in the house its warm
and lone-ly
it's safe and cozy too

all but me
these long months I dream and see
nothing behind or in store to be
I hope and wish that seasons flee
winter fleeting

but when the snow falls
all is lovely and bright
all is calm and all is right
don't you hear the songs they sing
round Christmas time,
the caroling

joy to the world and peace on earth
you are not alone
do sing with us
for life and laughter lives to be
joy  for all, for you and me

with smiles red and good cheer
we welcome you now
we welcome you here
stay awhile and let's be merry
festive
bright red roses and cherries
deep green trees holly and berries
Christmas time joyeux noel
be happy let your sorrows go

let this time of year
bring you happiness and cheer
 that when the summer months return
all too soon you will start to yearn
for the quiet moments of here and now
you're wishing away,
no sight no sound

to soon it will be, right now don't you see
this time is  a gift so precious so rare
keep it and treasure in your memory

for time as you know,
is fleeting

I send my thanks to Brian for nominating my blog for this Liebster Award. It is refreshing to know that my poems are  so appreciated and valued. Your encouragement keeps me motivated to continue with this project, what started as my mid year's resolution.

take a look at his blog, brians ramblings from the edge:   http://briansramblingsfromtheedge.blogspot.com/ 

His words are more like love letters, filled with a devotion that seems to be lost in today's world. I admire it greatly.

 

The Liebster Blog award is given to up-and-coming bloggers who have fewer than 200 followers. Liebster is German and means dearest.

The rules for the Liebster Award are:

1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

2. Reveal your five personal nominations and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.

4. Have faith that your followers will spread the love too!

These blogs are my nominations.
Please take a moment to visit each of them.
They are special people with wonderful blogs!

elaborate nonsense: http://thatcomesandgoes.blogspot.com/
her stories  inspire and provoke thoughtful questions and reflections on our own lives. Her writing is beautiful.

 ...and not, when I came to die, discover that I have not lived.: http://idratherbewild.blogspot.com/
so relate-able to the things we struggle with every day. Her openness is inspiring.

feathers and ink: http://ebibenta.blogspot.com/
an inspiring and unique look at the world. who knew so much could be said in so few words and with such elegance.  

yesterday:http://prestonandcorine.blogspot.com/
lovely life experiences

dandelion soup: http://dandelionsoup.blogspot.com/
her creativity is admirable and honestly, I am envious of her talent.  her skill is exquisite , in her words and in her art.

see through me

you looked into my eyes,
past the fear I held inside
you held my hand
and touched my heart

I never thought to love once more
or surface to the world again
but you saw me, you held my hand
'let me always be your man'

through the days and weeks that passed
through all the time we want to last
each minute slow, the heart beats true
I give it all, and all to you

 the words you softly spoke
I knew then it was no joke
for the feelings I held deep
I am yours, and yours to keep

my God, how I do,
 I love you

avalanche

one by one the flakes fall down
they settle for a moment
then melt

more and more start to come
they congregate
and melt

the temperature falls
the sky stays grey

meep

when I close my eyes and hope
to rejuvenate all my shadows
to mirror the person I am now
not who I used to be

I must sit and reflect
I wasn't bad,
don't get me wrong
I wasn't alone
for very long
I wasn't mad when the sun didn't shine
and I wasn't sad, because you're mine

but who I am now
is all I am
and more than I was
more than yesterday
and not quite what I will be
ever changing
ever growing
that is me,
all ever wanting
to know to dream to be

this confusion

I don't know what to say
or even what to do
before today I thought I knew
happiness

Where I am is where I wanted to be

but now with you
with your words and what you have to say
I find it hard to focus
and I cannot not concentrate

my life takes a new road
it follows the stars,
wherever they go

I don't know what to say
I don't know what to do
I feel things now
deeper than my heart

this confusion
I am lost in
I can't find my way out
I look for familiar faces
but I stand alone and blind

I want to trust my heart
but cannot decipher
it's small hints and messages
all the things it says and does
I am clueless

my last

I remember last night
the last kiss I had, the last one I gave
the last song I heard, I sang,
I whispered
the last thing I had hoped for,
yearned and pleaded for
the last time I cried myself to sleep

the last dream I had,
one dream
the last miracle I witnessed
one day
may have the fortune to witness another

but now
I won't know
what there is for me
what there is to hear or see
I go to bed and dream of thee
I fall asleep
of my lasts I think

I hope in the morning,
I shall wake again and live
each day with integrity
with love and sincerity
as if it were my last
as if it were my last

retrieval

help me get back what once was mine

I write the words I cannot speak
for fear of hurting your soul
but while yours live on
in comfort and ease
mine begins to go

with each new dawn begins a new day
leaving memories of my pain
a heart so full cannot run away
but it cannot live through this
 again

I should have wandered far and gone
and never look back when I did
but as it stands I have no home
and no choices left to decide

help me help me
get back what once I was
what once was me

all around wherever you go

We look up above and
we look down below
out toward the horizon
and into our souls

We seek the pure goodness
of He who was here
in hopes that His news
will ease all our fear

For when the heavens shall part
and voice speak below
I am pleased with my son
follow where He goes

I'll show you  the way
as a shepherd herds sheep
and forever and always
your hearts I shall keep

please hear what I'm not saying

Alone in my thoughts
a familiar world to me
unanswered questions are
pondered
as my wishes begin to develop
into dreams as I sleep

Whatever it is
or wherever I am
it always turns out right

the things I live through
during the day,
and everything that happens
I know by the end