one more

I hide my secrets where they can wash away
and each and every night they do,
I learn to let go of the things
that bring me down
drag me down
to their level

I leave behind those evil thoughts
that feed my anger and frustration
I set free my peace and harmony
that I've trapped and belittled
while hating all those days

new doors are opened
and each one I walk through
I seek not to conquer and contain
but explore and feed my famished mind
curiosity buds and blossoms

and I
shall seek to fill the emptiness in my soul
while I seek to be one more
who lived their live day to day
instead of door to door

save me?

where I used to sing alone
around the circle of time
I stand
key points of interest marble dry
as earth dispelled
beneath the soles of my feet
as I ran

running farther away from here
from there
closer to my  new world
closer to my whisper dreams
nearer my reality

but each moment disturbed drags me down
deeper deeper towards the ground
each step a weakness I never imagined
each moment a disaster,
a dragon
in my dreams

my actions never cease to be
but recently they seem to be
shadows of a life once lived so well
energy drowned in the wishing well
shadows of a field mined dry

save me
before I can no longer cry

fast asleep

when I close my eyes
and show the world the light
of my smile
I hope and pray it lasts a while
just long enough to see it
to catch it,
to watch it go...

when I feel my eyes
don't show me things anymore
that people pass by and
I can't know for sure
the colors of the world
or the shadows of my soul,
if they linger or are here no more...

sometimes like a flashing light
all the words in the world
make everything all right
and for that impulse moment
for that brief delay
show me secrets so that I too,
may enjoy

the smile on my face for you
everyday and more
and when I close my eyes at night
fast asleep,
a smile in my heart

the only one

you are the only star in my sky
when I'm fast asleep and close my eyes
all of where I used to be
means nothing now, don't you see

whenever there are clouds above
and rain and sleet and snow
the windows covered with pieces of the sky
with tears of angels watching below

far away you are from me
and so slowly time goes by
but when I look before I sleep
only one star in all the sky

life wish

I want to live my life free of fear
I want to open my eyes and still have you here
live all my dreams
not cry myself to sleep

I want to walk straight and tall
know I'll survive should I ever fall
that I have your hand and your heart
even when we're far apart

I want to treat you right
show you that my love is bright
can shine through darkest days
and clear out any haze

self discovery

who are you when I'm not here
do you even miss me
do you even care

who am I when I'm far away?
am I gentle still
or have I gone... crazy

do I live in color
or shades of grey
what do you know when I'm far away?

you can't see the smile on my face
when it comes or vanishes
sometimes tears wash me away

away I go
still alone
still master of my own
fate

join me? if  you please
I'd like to share forever
in your company

together we will learn and share
discover things we'd never known
grow old together

I learn my ways and your ways too
give us a chance, don't leave me here..
while I figure out myself,
wait for me?

I turn my
head and look away
all the footprints that I make
I'll come back, again, someday

fuel for the family

fuel for the family
around the table, set
seated are hearts and hands and smiles

this time of year
harvest of the season
arguments welcomed, expected, even
vitality, fuel the family

when loved ones dear
travel far to be near
travel long for this time of year
to share and relish in the joy
this time of the year

we seek and find and hope to learn
why it is our souls all burn
to speak and aspire
to one day inspire
fuel for their family at home

behind the line

I see the flames escape the fire
fleeting floating ever higher
only when I close my eyes
am I far away from all these lies

the trees burn bright, they fall
the birds fly in the dark, away they go
over and out the radio is gone
it's quiet now there shall be no harm

we sit and watch as the world flash-es
hearts and homes now sit in ashes
old and burnt but not alone,
still hurt
I didn't know life  was just reformed dirt...

I pinch and shudder at the thought
that  we all were, almost caught,
behind the blaze, behind the light
that wall of fire burning bright

should I fall

if a dream is a wish
solely from my heart
please hold me close
so my dreams come true

if I should ever, lose a day
lose the night
waste the time
waste the light


let me down gently
peacefully
carefully


if ever I should fall away
disappear, deteriorate,

whisper memories into my ear

for when it comes
the day I reappear
I should know you,
always, my dear

my soul to the wind

I want to be able to live my life unguarded
with out the fear of a missed adventure
to wake up on the shore of some where far away
where I must turn around and walk forever home

Behind my eyes there writes a story
so lost alone in the world's own fury
I have  tried and failed so much before
that I am home alone, secure

I want to run, to escape this time
and leave all of this routine behind
to sleep under a rock
hide in a mountain
live by the docks
by the rivers and fountains

I want an adventure to carry me free
around the world, over the sea
an adventure lined with fates restored
I surrender my soul to the wind

The words, my path

I carve through literature
like a blade through a curve
A delicate approach
filled with precision and concentration

I seek not only to learn
but also to experience
I want to walk the paths
these words lay bare before me

They beckon,
come to me.
I wander softly, wonder how
in my dreams I do not know

To whom I whisper
'where, or where do my dreams go?'

live again

I read a book recently
a lovely read it was, too
full of life and living things

things that moved with such vitality
I long for at the end of my day

when I am tired and alone
I walk around my home
sometimes I wish to talk to you

I put the radio on and sing along
dance in circles and spin around
around and around until I am real again

rewinding the inner workings
of my body

to eat and sleep and sing

that's what I am here for
until I can love again
I shall learn to live again

free me

free me now, save me, my love
your hand in mine, and the light in your eyes
when you turn and I see you looking at me

my fingers dance across the pages I write to you
fluttering to and fro
pausing now and again in their elegance
missing you so much, never wanting to let go

with every word I write, that I say or that I type
and every sound of laughter tears or joy
I see in my mind
I go back in time

and  you free me, love
you bring me peace
I give my heart

you and me

a little story in my heart
I write before it falls apart
keep me here in your embrace
I want you now, and for always

I can't believe that this is true
that it is real, just me and you
I can't believe that when I see
the future things, still you and me

I close my eyes and there you are
so close to me and in my heart
when you stop and hold me close
suddenly, I just know

I write the words, what I feel,
I sing the songs and begin to heal
from missing you these days long past
but loving you, will surely last

I hold on, tightly to memories of us
but keep in mind all that we must
have to yet to share and make and see
Our futures boundless, as the sea

notice me, tribute

and all at once things fade to black
and dust again in the palm of my hand
I can't see the difference in the night
I can't see clearly the line or light of day
all of my memories have been erased

I go to sleep and last the night
dream of things that made me smile
once upon a time I thought
that you weren't here, not anymore
I put on my face and walk out the door

little things of my imagination
hiss and spit with indignation
frying on the morning stove 
distractions cause me to turn and over, and
I feel a burn

there is now a pain, I feel so deeply
the purest thing I've ever known
where minutes turn timeless and even now
now when I hear the sounds around me
I just can't let go

hold me close and hold me tight
I ask you this, that one day you might
notice me, in my plight
notice me
notice me


I fade away
into the backdrop, into the background
I fade away
without a sight, without a sound
I fade away
my shadows reclaim me, they bring me home again
I fade away
my voice, my sight, the sound of my fists against the floor

soften, slowly, diminish
my strength is gone, it's leaving me
lower and lower I fall to the floor
I have no strength to get up, to move again

and all at once, it's just like that
 and all at once things fade to black

find the middle of yourself and keep it safe

In the middle of the day,
In the middle of the night,
I have a sliver of your light.

It shatters and sparkles everywhere,
and I am full of your memory.
I see your smile, the colours in your eyes,
such a sweet smile...

I think of you often
for you are always in the middle of my mind

mindplays

There are shadows on the wall,
they sway back and forth.

A silent dance, they nightly play
as a bird flies by. Overhead,
seen only by imaginations
as it cuts through toward its nest;
an interruption not taken lightly.

All motion stops.

It is renewed,
only when our fears are relieved to see
branches sweeping in the summer breeze.

you are my vision

In my eyes, I see a man
who knows what he wants from life.
I see a heart, better than gold,
and of a mind and a body
that can see his dreams through.

But only in my dreams,
are you with me,
and together,
we forge our destiny.

I am moving on now

Time is a lovely reminder
of how long it has been since you
vanished from my my world.

All those tears and letters,
all those memories.

Now they sit outside my window,
joys of solid gold turning to dust.

All reminders that I must
let go
of it all,
Every last piece of you.

And time goes on.
So shall I.

Consider this, my goodbye.

one last wish

I once heard that if a star falls from the sky,
into your view,
a wish will be granted, just for you.


But no one ever told me,
when that wish would come true.

And so here I stand, years gone by,
pictures and letters faded past,
into memories behind my eyes.


I've seen no more than eleven,
no fewer than that, too.

Each falling flash of light,
calling out to me, and each time,
my heart welled up with a surge of hope,

All I ever wished for was for you-

I wanted you to see me,
to hear me, to talk to me, to smile for me,
I wanted you to kiss me, to take me far away,
I wanted you to love me, to marry me someday.


I wanted to see our children,
with your eyes and my smile, running out in the yard,
I wanted to see you make it home, from that war....

Sometimes what you wish for, is exactly what you get...


Now a flag stands folded on the mantle, pictures still around,
each of my wishes granted,
but one....

I wish I could have said goodbye,
before they laid you in the ground.

I know where I can find you

Somewhere below in the recesses of my mind,
where shadows chase the sun
and stars fly by day...

In the corners of a globe,
and on the edges of a sphere,
past the end of infinity...

I think of you...
I miss you...
and I dream of kissing you,
again.
Just one more time...

But I know it cannot be.
I know what is and isn't real.

And that is why, so far away,
beyond reality,
I let myself dream of the couldn't be's,
of the shouldn't be's,
of the never can be's...

That is where you are to me.

to my brother

Just because you are bigger than me,
and stronger than me,
and hold more rage than me,
doesn't mean you always have to use it.

Learn to let go every now and then.
and maybe then you won't leave me
to ice my leg with a rock.

I hate you when you are like this,
and you're like this more and more-
it's like you always have something to prove.

And you don't know
if you keep it up,
what you are going to lose.

Because someday, soon,
I will be gone for good.

But for now,
I sit here and ice my leg with a rock.

a beginning again

My bruises are almost healed,
the scars are softening, slowly.
My heart is starting to see again,

It is starting to see beauty,
it is starting to remember.
I can smile again, I can dream.
It is a whole new world, to live again.

What is it I used to be,
how did I use to see? or breathe?

What was it I called laughter?

I can laugh now...
it seems that my heart is healing,
and I live again

Who really knows that the world still spins,
when they are left behind.
After a heartache walks away,
To see everyone else all right,
when you are not...
the world does spin around you,
and it locks you out of life.

And somehow, I woke up
from you leaving,

And I am alive again.
I enjoy the world,
even more than when I was with you...

And I start anew,
a new beginning

the beginning and now

A fable lost in some tattered script
in a long ago era,
where a feeble hand writ
and predicted a day
that never would come
where everyone lives,
a child of the Son.

Not too many believed him,
and for those who had faith,
that One would soon guide them
and show them the way.

So many years later
his word still endures.
While this world we now live in
seeks to find all the cures
for sorrow and pity, for liars and foes,
for every enmity, until the end of our woes.

and where I go I do not know

I will follow
until I surrender
my heart to your heart.

I will imagine
all worlds as one
in favor of searching
for a better one.

A new beginning
a new time to keep
a new life to polish
with gentle dignity.

For chivalry is slowly forgotten
until the dreams of women
in timeless films of uncertainty
become real once again

unclear thoughts of thinking

and once upon a time I dreamt
I dreamed... dreaming still

I had a thought, an imagination,
a moment of conscious unthought
and I wished for nevermore
to hear you in my mind.

and as quickly as nothing occurred
a message appeared in bright lights
surrounded by miracles.

a twinkling of an idea clenched
between the forehead lines
of an inanimate statue...

it is too bad that dreams of
those long gone are nowhere
to be rediscovered

and unclear imaginations
create inspirations

if only there were no strings to hold me back

Some days I just feel like giving up on things.

Staying in bed an extra hour

and not going in to class.

Not doing my homework

and watching a movie,

buying a ticket and flying to a vacation.

I feel like starting a new life,

but then, I think of, or try to think of,

what would I do with my life?

And I suck it up and give in,

and fall out of bed.

I keep walking to class,

I keep writing papers and

hope one day I can leave,

break all of my tethers and leave.

changes

Feet, inches, centimeters...

I do not know what to do...

Am I tall or short or in between?

Do I have anything to lose?

Or is too much of me split

up among the many facets

of my personality

do I change among my peers?....

ears ringing? check

heart racing? check

eyes tearing? check

voice breaking? check

feet, inches, centimeters.....

how do you measure adolescence?

for a few moments of indecision

Before I start I must let you know

I would never let you go.

With me always you shall be,

reveling in the sights we'll see.

Weekends come and months shall go

beckoning onward, yes or no?

Shall we follow, shall we stay?

enjoying always the breaths we take.

A new future, a new desire

melting in the flames of fire

will you join me as I wander?

Oh, but distance makes the heart grow fonder.

uninspiration of the lowest degree

Also known as apathy
being lazy,
and perhaps depressed.

This is what I suffer from. right now.
But you wouldn't know it
and you wouldn't guess it.

Unless you saw me.
A picture of sadness.

In my eyes, a dull hope
peers out through the lashes.
And my head,
rests on my shoulders,
as my tired worn posture
resonates with hope of relief.

but to no avail.
for in this current state,
hopelessness is my norm,
and uninspiration,
my state of mind.